Let me tell you why I don’t celebrate Halloween:

(1) I am a morning person, not an evening person, therefore I don’t like walking around the neighborhood at night.

(2) I like candy so I can’t really get myself to give it away to others.

(3) I don’t shed weight like I’d like and I am on my second and therefore last set of teeth, so I can’t eat more candy than usual.

(4) You can’t get into my apartment building without a key card so I don’t worry about anyone coming to my door.

(5) I don’t like dressing up.

(6) The last time I tried to dress up was my sophomore year of college. I worked at KFC and I went as a “KFC worker”. No one is that neighborhood of Stockton, CA, gave me any candy. I have not recovered from this rejection.

(7) It happens to same day as Reformation Day and I don’t want to offend my Catholic friends who may mistake my celebration as being “Lutheran”.

(8) It happens to be the day before Catholics celebrate “All Saints Day” and I don’t want to offend my Protestant friends who may mistake me for being a Papist. (I know some Protestants celebrate it as well, but most evangelicals think they are undercover Papist)

(9)  Since I am still in school, if awake, I probably have homework to do.

(10) Why beg for candy tonight when I can get it at discount price tomorrow?!

You thought I had some religious reasons, didn’t you. Well, no.